Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman ponder their future. (Relativity Media)

Having seen ‘Season of the Witch,’ starring Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, and Claire Foy (as the titular witch), all I can say is: “Ouch!”

Actually, I had a few more things to say, which I wrote in my review for Twitch Film, beginning thusly:

“Some movies are ‘so bad they’re good’ — and then there are the lumbering, ungainly monstrosities that are the films of Dominic Sena. Like a near-sighted brontosaurus whose legs have been broken, SEASON OF THE WITCH joins GONE IN 60 SECONDS and SWORDFISH and WHITEOUT as standard bearers for a certain kind of action picture — the kind of low-grade mediocrity that consistently falls short of even the lowest of expectations.”

Assorted rambling mutterings ensue at Twitch.

If you’re still inclined to check it out, either because you like to make up your own mind, or don’t trust me, or have cash you don’t need, or a girlfriend / boyfriend (or parental unit) who loooooooves Nicolas Cage, it’s playing at every theater in town. Or, at least, practically every multiplex in the Metroplex.

Via Google: Theaters and Showtimes for ‘Season of the Witch.’